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Archive for the ‘MARRIAGE’ Category


Posted by Job on March 1, 2007

Genesis 2:18 – And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. 

I have to be honest, one of the things concerning the Body of Christ that is really troubling me today is the large number of prominent ministers that are divorcing. This trend has long been going on among the lay members, where the divorce rates have been indistinguishable from that of the non – Christian population. But now, it appears that even the ministers, who are supposed to have the strongest anointing and be set aside for God and His Purposes are exceedingly vulnerable. Of course, this has been going on since the beginning of time: remember the wives of
Lot and Job. But divorce by church leaders has become so normalized and accepted– with some prominent ministers even coming out and saying that God told them to leave their Christian wives and marry others – is unprecedented and wholly unscriptural. The Body of Christ allows this to go on without any sanctions against the church officials who engage in this behavior whatsoever, and this clearly contradicts
the Word of God that was given to Paul in his letter to Timothy stating that a PRIMARY qualification for being a church leader is that who is one who is committed and successful in marriage. This current state of affairs in the church is evidence of two things. 1) These are the last days indeed, when it will be given to Satan to make war with the saints and to overcome them. 2) Although 1) has to happen in order for God’s Word to His prophets to be fulfilled, it is happening only because the Body of Christ has become worldly, sensual, and disobedient. Instead of being “World Changers” (to borrow the name of the ministry of Creflo Dollar) and overcomers, the Body of Christ have become “world conformers” overcome by the world and hence all of its sin. We have failed to separate ourselves from so many things like materialism, lust and pornography, profanity and vulgarity, psychology/psychiatry/philosophy, politics, the mass media, a lack of submission/order/discipline, a tolerance for sin and the appearance of sin, the decline of modesty/decency/appropriateness, and even misguided notions of patriotism: all things that open doors for demons to attack or marriage directly (through a lack of love, communication, sacrifice, work, empathy, and prayer, and also with adultery, whether real or fantasized) or indirectly (through financial, family, and spiritual pressure).  

So, in order to address this end – times crisis within the church, we must aggressively proactively deal with the marriage issue. In order to be effective, we cannot wait for problems to develop and then deal with them. We have to work on the areas of our lives in order to keep the problems from developing in the first place. In order to prevent yourself from catching a cold, the flu, pneumonia, diphtheria, or any of a number of other diseases related to exposure to the elements, what do you do? You stay dry. You dress warmly (which includes avoiding choices in clothing that breeds fantasy lust in people who are married or who aspire to get married). And if you are really truly vigilant, you eat right, exercise, get the appropriate amount of sleep. True overcomers also put their faith and trust in God and place Him first so that they will not overwork themselves for material things and the acclaim of men, they will not stress themselves out over bills and other worldly situations, and will fast and pray for their health! And with all of that PREVENTION, you still sometimes get sick! The good news is that with proper prevention your illnesses will be few, far between, mild, and short in duration. But if you do not use proper prevention, you will be often sick, your illnesses will last long periods of time, and be quite severe. Eventually your body will break down and you will develop even more serious health problems that will reduce the quality of your life, shorten the time of your life, and in many cases even kill you immediately. What would probably be a two week bug to a person who practices prevention could very well kill the person who walks around half naked in chilly weather, never exercises, eats mostly junk food and sweets, and is chronically ill because of it.  

Of course, I have told you a bunch of things that you already know about your body. So why do you think that your MARRIAGE is any different? Those who work to head off problems and remove negative influences from their marriage are not living in fear. They are not cloistering themselves off from all of these pleasurable edifying experiences. They are keeping germs and diseases out of their relationships! Therefore, when the inevitable hardships come, their marriages will be strong enough to survive them. But people who allow all sorts of spiritual, financial, social, familial, and personal corruption to take root, grow, and even seed and spawn new and more serious problems in their marriage not only will not be able to survive the major problems, they will not even be able to last the small ones! As a matter of fact, plenty of people whose marriages are perfectly fine (no adultery, no physical or verbal abuse, no real financial problems, no real intimacy or communication issues) still walk away. Sometimes they let family and friends deceive them and pull them apart. Sometimes they think that the grass is greener on the other side: that they will easily be able to attract a newer better mate, or will just enjoy life better if single again. Or sometimes they will allow their mind and marriage to get so filled with corruption that they cannot think straight: they are so filled with anxiety and stress over NOTHING that they make incredibly irrational decisions. You have some men, for instance, who leave their wives because “their wives are spending up all of their money.” So having to pay a divorce lawyer and court costs, split the property 50/50, pay alimony and child support, and go out and get another place to live will actually IMPROVE your financial standing? And some women leave their husbands because their husbands will not allow them to get a job or to go socialize in his absence in certain situations, buying into the notion that “I am allowing a man to oppress me and take away my freedoms.” OK, so going from not having to work because you are married to a man that does to having to work to support yourself and your kids is better HOW? And of course, all of those handsome men that paid you so much attention when you used to go out on the town with your “girlfriends” will not be anywhere nearly as interested when you are divorced. Why? A married woman out on the town can be used for an easy sexual encounter or three and then sent awat as some other man’s problem, but a divorced woman with kids is usually looking for a husband #2 (or #3) and stepfather. Again, something that is not discovered until AFTER the divorce!  

So many Believers want to conform to the world. We want to live like our friends live. We want to carry on like we see people on TV, in the movies, or in magazines. Now, we are not naïve. We see how many of our friends divorce. We see how many of our favorite movie stars, singers, and athletes divorce. But we think that WE are going to be different! It is not going to happen to US. Why not? BECAUSE WE’RE SAVED! BECAUSE GOD WILL KEEP OUR MARRIAGE AND KEEP US TOGETHER! Amazing how so little Believers are aware of things of the spirit. God gave you free will. If you use that free will to live in the flesh, to carry on as people in the world are, your free will shall not be governed by God’s spirit; it will be governed by your own flesh, and by whatever demons that you allow in and around you with your cavorting as sinners do. God can only preserve your union if you give yourself over to God, both within the marriage with your mate and as an individual apart from your mate. Even if you are keeping some of yourself apart from your mate – not recommended but it happens – you cannot keep part of yourself apart from God and then expect God to bless and preserve your marriage. The truth of the matter is that if your marriage becomes an instrument of sin for you and your partner and another thing of sin for others to see – including people who are looking to you as a model of Christian marriage that they themselves want to emulate when they get saved in get married; people like your own kids for example – then why should it even be something that God will regard as worth preserving? Just because you become a Christian does not mean that all that you are and all that you are involved in is going to be holy, acceptable, and pleasing to God. If you allow your marriage to become a snare to you; a thing of iniquity for all the world to see and a stench in the eyes of God, it will be just one more thing of the corrupt flesh that God will allow to be destroyed in order to facilitate the salvation of your soul. Will that be God’s perfect will? Of course not, especially if it is a marriage of two Believers. But when it comes to keeping His Beloved out of hell fire, God will do what He has to do.  

People think that once they get married, that will legitimize their sinful behavior; that they can sin more freely. You know, that is actually true in the eyes of the world. The world sees a single man who roams the street, drinks and fights in bars, smokes, curses, gambles, goes to strip clubs, and consumes pornography as a person headed to jail. But a married man who does the same is considered a “lovable rogue; a man’s man.” The world actually mocks and despises married men who honor and respect their marriages, children, and home as “boring”, “weak”, and “effete.” Women are increasingly subjected to the same treatment, especially stay – at – home mothers of more than the “acceptable” number of 2 – 3 children. And yes, many in the world are actually more tolerant of adultery “so long as their spouse forgives them” than they are of unmarried fornication. And now we are about to cross the ultimate line, which is conferring legitimacy to homosexuality through the institution of marriage. 

But again, we are not of the world. Instead of marriage legitimizing sinful behavior, a man and woman who continue in worldly behavior once they are married become still the more abominable before God. I Corinthians 13:11 reads “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” When you get married, you are supposed to pass from childhood to adulthood, which means that you are supposed to put aside the selfish silly distractions that came with being single and become one flesh: a person who is willing to take on responsibility, maturity, submission, and sacrifice.  

The reality is that the institution of marriage does not legitimize sinful behavior. The institution of marriage is supposed to cause you to sin LESS, not MORE or even THE SAME. It does not mean that the husband accepts and participates in the sin of the wife, or that the wife conforms herself to meet the sinful desires of her husband. Marriage is not supposed to legitimize and empower the individual sinner. It is supposed to combine the strength of the spirit and the soul (or will and emotions) of the husband and wife for the purposes of giving them control over and ultimately crucifying the flesh. When a man takes a wife, he is supposed to use the added power of his wife to overcome his vanity, lust, and violence. When a woman takes a husband, she is supposed to use the added power of her husband to overcome her fear, jealously, and manipulation. They are both supposed to work together in prayer, fasting, immersion in The Word, and in spiritual warfare to help each other overcome the faults, shortcomings, and demons that they brought into the union that was the result of their lives apart. The wife is supposed to help the man overcome the scars that came from his lifetime of failures – or from the disillusionment that accompanies the realization that even great success does not bring lasting happiness. The husband is supposed to help his wife get over all of the times that people did not notice her or tell her that she was pretty or special – or help his supermodel beauty queen realize that it is all only skin deep and that though God gave her great natural beauty so that He would be glorified and to fulfill His Purpose in her, that He does not love her for that beauty and therefore as her Godly husband he does not either!  

Of course, you can still reach that level if you never marry. You can also reach that level on your third spouse. You can even reach that level after deciding to remain single after a series of failed marriages! But it is so much harder! For most people, God would rather have them reach that level relatively early in their lives as a result of getting married so that A) they can raise up Godly seed to Him in the form of children, and do a better job with those children than their parents did and B) so that you can get all of your issues resolved at a relatively young age so that you can spend most of your life maturing in and serving God. That is the role of a Godly marriage: to rid us of all of these problems from our childhood and our past so that we can start serving God uninhibited, and so that we can raise children that are far less inhibited than we are so that they can better serve God while they are yet children and will have an even shorter marital cleansing process when THEY marry. Indeed, God may use the seed of a Godly marriage in two ways. One: He may partner two products of such marriages and start using them right off the bat. Two: he may partner one product of such a marriage with someone who is REALLY SCREWED UP so that the already righteous person will be tried and made more righteous still and the screwed up person will achieve righteousness. There are examples of both in the Bible.  

Alas, Satan does all that he can to prevent this from happening. He does not want people to get married in the first place, for even among the unsaved a strong marriage culture creates an orderly, prosperous society, and Satan wants the world to be filled with poverty, disease, violence, and death. And for people who go get married, he wants to do as much to defile the institution as possible, starting with the minds of the married people and then onto the marriage bed itself. Once the mind and the body is defiled, the flesh is defiled also. Satan does not want the union of Christians in marriage creating of them consecrated Believers with more faith and power than they had prior to marriage, and he certainly does not want them to produce seed that will start out more Godly than the Christians were before they were married. Of course, Satan cannot prevent Christians getting closer to God or Godly seed from entering the world, but he can and does work to slow it down and limit its effectiveness. There is a difference between reaching that next level with God with your spouse at the age of 30 with your children a combination of very young and yet to be born, or reaching it at the age of 65 after having been through 3 or 4 failed marriages, putting your kids through so much chaos that they developed problems that exceed yours and in turn pass on to THEIR KIDS. You can follow the world’s way and still eventually get where God wants you to be because of His Grace, Love, and Mercy for you, or you can follow God’s way and get where God wants you to be while you still have your life ahead of you to do God’s Will, and not only that you will have a life partner to help you, to carry you when you fall, and you will be able to raise your children up in the faith.  

Satan knows that he cannot prevent you from going to Heaven, so he focuses on narrowing the window that you will use the Authority of the Name of Christ Jesus and the Power of the Holy Spirit to bruise his head, and to keep you from raising children that will bruise his head. Eventually you are going to get to where you are going to bruise his head, but better for him if you start bruising his head at 65 rather than at 30. And if you never get yourself together; if you never progress past being saved and into being a spiritual warrior, and your spouse and your children never do either? Even better! Sure, you will have lived out your entire life as a Believer and will enter Heaven, but for all intents and purposes in the spirit realm it will barely be as if you had ever existed! The positive spiritual things that you will have done as a Believer will barely outweigh the negative things that you did in the flesh while you were disrespecting your marriage covenant between your God and your spouse!  

Make no mistake, marriage is serious business. It is a terrible shame that the church is no longer treating marriage as such. You have so many churches where so many of the church officials have been divorced and so many of the members have been divorced that marriage is hardly ever even discussed as being an integral part of a healthy Body of Christ. Instead, we talk about other things. We are not even willing to talk right even if we are not doing right, to say “Do as I say and not as I do; look not upon me but upon Christ!” Instead, there are “ministries” for single mothers and divorced people. I am not saying that such things are wrong, but if we are going to have “ministries” for single mothers and divorced people, why not have “ministries” for prostitutes, pimps, rapists, child molesters, drug dealers, drug addicts, pornographers, thieves, gamblers, liars, witches, and traffickers of false doctrine and false teaching? Why not address the full range of the sin, depravity, and departure from God’s Will in the church? Having “ministries” for single mothers and divorced people and not for all of the other sinners in the church only serves to confer legitimacy to behavior that displeases God! There is precious little difference between that and a church marrying homosexuals and ordaining them as ministers! What, you say that God forgave you for having children out of wedlock or for getting divorced? Like God doesn’t forgive homosexuals too!  

Who is blameless before God in a divorce? Such is seldom the case. First off, both parties are usually at fault for marrying the wrong person. Not only is that YOUR being disobedient; not only is that YOUR facilitating the OTHER person in THEIR disobedience, not only are BOTH your actions against God’s plans, but you are also depriving other people of the person that God wanted them to marry! If you marry someone that God has not told you to marry, what is the person that you were supposed to marry and the person that your spouse was supposed to marry going to do? Marry each other? So even if you did absolutely nothing wrong, if you married someone that God did not tell you to, then if the marriage falls apart, you will still be held accountable. So your best bet is to stay together and not add the sin of divorce to your initial sin of disobedience.  

And if you marry the person that God wanted you to marry and it ended in divorce, it will be because SOMEONE did not obey and follow God during the course of the marriage. Even if you are the one who did not commit adultery, even if you are not the one who did not mismanage the money or refuse to get a job, even if you are the one who did not get addicted to drugs or pornography, even if you are not the one who did not commit physical, verbal, or sexual abuse, even if you are the one who did not shut off the communication or the intimacy, even if you are the one who did not stop praying, reading your Bible, or going to church, do not be so fast to be the one who walks away. Because even if you did not do the BIG THINGS or cause the BIG WRONGS, what about the little ones? Consider, for example, the law. Keeping the law is impossible for we have all sinned and fallen short, right? So by the same standard, how can you claim to have been perfect towards your spouse in all things concerning your marriage? How can you claim to have been blameless? I am not saying that you cannot leave. I am only saying that you should not leave unless GOD tells you to leave. By the same token, if God tells you to leave, DO NOT STAY! Because no one is perfect, the burden is not on the person who committed the balance of the sin against the other partner in the marriage. No, the burden is on the partner who judges the shortcomings of the other partner and leaves. That is why Christ Himself stated that whoever divorces his wife and marries again commits adultery (Luke 16:18).  

So is it best not to marry? God forbid. It is best to obey God. If God bids you to be single, be single. If God bids you to marry, then not only marry, but marry whom God chooses for you at the time that God chooses, and once you marry that person continue in obedience to God. It is the only way to be blameless regarding marriage, and that way even if the marriage does fail, it will be God who separates you and not man. You should NOT use your free will to oppose and defy God. No matter how hard it gets you are to continue in obedience, for the things that are hardest are the ones that are most important to your spiritual life. What if you cannot hear God, and therefore cannot discern whether it is God’s Will on your choice of a spouse or whether to leave or stay? Well that is just a bad situation for a Believer to be in. Your best bet is to stay out of it! A) Get to where you can hear from God when you need Him and when He wants you. B) Do not even THINK of getting married until you have achieved A)! Seriously, if you cannot even hear God to obey Him, what on earth makes you think that you will have a successful marriage? What is it that will keep you together; keep you from hurting one another spiritually, emotionally, and physically, and from doing the same to any kids that you have? I know that tons of people, tons of Bible – believing people get married and have good marriages despite never hearing God and actually believing that it is impossible for “regular” people to hear from God on a routine basis. That this is so happens only because God is truly powerful and merciful. But why should YOU go out and try to be like those people? Nay, go out and seek to be one who can hear God’s voice, and then marry the person that God’s voice leads you to, and obey that voice all your days. Live to please God, not yourself, your spouse, your preacher, your parents, your children, or any else.  

These are truly the last days: days in which even the church has ceased to even so much as keep up a pretense of holy living even in things so basic and yet so important as continuing in marriage so that God’s Will can work on, work through, and be made manifest in us and our children. To that, all I have to say is two things: 1) Even so, come Lord Jesus (Revelation 22:20), and 2) just because it is happening in and to the church doesn’t mean that you have to let it happen to you! Your righteousness is dependent only upon your faith, obedience, and submission. So though the world itself pass away into hedonistic whoredoms, you follow God and be blameless in your marriage before Him. In the Name of Jesus Christ, let any church, pastor, or church official who preaches or allows anything different be accursed until they repent and adhere to God’s Word! 


Father God in the Name of Jesus Christ, may your Believers begin to take the marriage institution seriously; as an institution given to man by You in order to use man to work Your Will, and not one to be used, abused, or discarded. In the Name of Jesus Christ, Amen! 


The demons that work in this area are selfishness, worldliness, and false doctrines. Please read the Basic Spiritual Warfare guide to learn more about how to go against these demons to help set captives free and win battles in the name of your God through the power, authority, and victory given to you by his Son Jesus Christ and by his blood shed for you!


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